This is my greatest DXM trip far, this is not too say that it was enjoyable but it was just particularly intense. I am an experienced DXM user and have mostly been at the 2nd plateau but has been too 3rd about 2 times and another including this one.
My mindset was very anxious, I had several fears about taking the DXM, fears including: The fear of dying, fear of a bad trip, and a fear of getting caught. I have been going through lots of depression lately, and this is because I lost what I think is the love of my life. I have no clue how to get over her, until this trip I was able to distract my mind. I love her more than anything and her absence is greatly effecting me.
- 9:15 P.M. I take 1.5 (about 27.5mg) benadryl, I do this too prevent the sickness and robo itch you may get from DXM. I chug two bottle of the off brand ‘Tussin’ I have for a total of 708mg of DXM. (At 9:30) I chugged it in 2 minutes which is weird because it usually takes about 10-20 to get them down. I weigh 120lbs and I’m 5’6
The effects start about 15 minutes after I chug it. I always do DXM late at night, that way everyone goes to bed. I always make sure my room is black and that my eyes remain closed for most of the trip (for intensity purposes) Due too my last experience before this one, I was quite nervous. The one previous too this one, I thought I had died and this time I spent about an hour telling myself I was not gonna die.
When it started to kick in I could tell I was getting more fucked up, at one point when it was somewhat intense, I told myself (More hoped for) that it was at as intense as it was gonna get but it wasn’t even close. At this point I had really cool OEV’s (In the completely black room) and CEV’s that were very colorful considering that I rarely ever get DXM visuals or they’re really light.
This next part is both unclear for me but also traumatic. Too my surprise I just kept getting more and more fucked up, the visuals started to spin intensely and I started too feel sick. Paranoia hits me hard as I listen too the footsteps upstairs which seem loud and Echoy. I often found that I would hear my parents when they weren’t actually talking. I kept envisioning them catching me and it was like a lucid dream which was sketching me out. As I was coming up I was scared I was going to die so I prayed too whoever was listening (God, Higher beings, any higher power, I don’t know what exsists or doesn’t) that If I got through this and it was a helpful experience I would stop doing DXM. This managed to calm me down and I was ready for anything that was gonna happen (or so I thought). When I almost peaked I kept feeling ‘Other beings’ at the foot of my bed I found that this didn’t effect me and that this trip would be completely about me and not about the universe (WEIRD for me because the trip is usually Mystical and include aliens/other beings, ect.) I kept having ‘lucid dreams’ of my family and then for some reason my thoughts went to my Ex. I am not over her and I love her. I was thrown out of my body(More like into my body). I saw my mind break out into a universe of memories but It was dissociative inside of my body/mind? I then started too have inedible insights of my ex. (Gwen) now I started having a conversation what I can only call my higher self, it lashed out at me and had a very ‘how could you’ feel. I was then thrown into very vivid past, present, and what could have been future memories (OR manifestations) of Gwen and our broken relationship, I felt remorseful and pondered how I let her go. I love her so much. She’s gone now, and my life is a wreck. I suppressed all my memories of her and through the break up’s emotional strain on me, I never once thought about the amazing memories with her. I had, before this trip, suppressed it enough too even think about what she even looked like. This was the significant trip of the 3rd plateau but after it. I then came to another insight about my loneliness (I don’t have one friend) I fake who I am in the new school I am currently going too and saw myself talking and they were almost real memories. I saw that I could make more friends if I was just myself. The way this insight came about was the coolest thing, I was thrown into a very vivid memory type of thing but it wasn’t in my perspective. I was seeing it in 3rd person as a spirit and watched myself have conversations and thought to myself, “You liar,” and continued to watch myself. I have now come to the conclusion that I would make more friends by actually being myself and open up to people. No one really likes the person I pretend to be. This whole 3rd plateau’s biggest down fall is that you start having a hard time distinguishing reality and the vivid ‘insights’
The comedown started too happen at about 2:30 AM and made me want too puke, I sobered up enough to snap out of the torturous memories. I had gained enough clarity (little it may be) too realize that I had to pee. I got up out of my bed and tried to get too the bathroom in a failed attempt (because the distortions (this was the only part I really had my eyes open)) I then laid in my bed, mentally tortured,and ready for sleep. I spent the remainder of the time trying to sleep and barely got any, during the come down because I couldn’t sleep I spent the time thinking about the insights. Woke up at about 8:00 so, 4 hours of sleep. I wrote this during the afterglow. I don’t know what too think and I greatly miss Gwen. Intensely. I want to cry. I don’t talk to her anymore and can’t. If I only knew what to do…. I think I’m gonna lay off DXM until I try some safer, more helpful psychoactives (psychedelics) because DXM is ominous in feel and not too mention bad for you.
